Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
