This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
