There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
