I hate all girls vehemently.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
4 words: hood of his car
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize