I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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