I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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