I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
