i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
