i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
