Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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