Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
