You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
