he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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