so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize