I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Randomize
