Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Randomize