happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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