Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I need water and some morals
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
