What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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