Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
