be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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