What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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