Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
