I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
