so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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