paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
