so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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