I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
