I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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