just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
