Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
