You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
