he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
