And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
