A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize