You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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