seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
