I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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