I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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