you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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