I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize