Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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