Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
