if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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