i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You ruined the universe
Randomize