I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
