He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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