So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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