just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
