I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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