Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize