I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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