yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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