When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
