I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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