Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
