I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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