i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
