Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just high enough for therapy.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
