Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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