Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
