Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
