This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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