I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
