I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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