I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
