Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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