You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
