Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
