True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
