Screwed.edu
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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