maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
