I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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