is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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