I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
