she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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